Man, I really need a haircut.
I bet you think the next picture is going to be of me with shorter hair. BUT YOU’RE WRONG.
IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY. WHERE AM I GOING TO GET A HAIRCUT ON CHRISTMAS DAY? I just happened to notice how scraggly my hair is starting to look when I turned on my iSight camera to start blogging. (Merry Christmas by the way!)
So yeah, you know how since I started this blog like eighteen months ago I’ve managed to annihilate about twenty (if not more) sets of earbud headphones?:
I’m done with that.
I don’t care how ridiculous they look. If I manage to break these, I might as well gouge my ear drums out because I wouldn’t deserve to hear music. Or movies.
And these headphones have a setting for each. I didn’t think it mattered or made that much of a difference but I actually notice it. I also have extremely (sometimes bordering on painfully) sensitive hearing, so it might just be me. Also the cord on this thing is literally ten feet long.
I just checked the packaging and it’s actually eleven and a half feet long.
I don’t care. I just hope I don’t break them. And Nanny if you’re reading this…
How? and also thanks for the headphones, they work great.
Ok these are going away now.
I wear headphones every time I write but I usually remember to take them off when I photograph myself.
Alright so there was actually a point to me writing today. So in the beginning of October of 2010 I posted a blog where I strolled down memory lane and opened up the box that contains all of the notes and memorabilia from my high school days:
This box was given to me by one of my closest friends in middle school and high school who, for some reason unbeknownst to me has refused to speak to me after we graduated.
I was a pretty big dick back then, and I can think of one instance post-high school that may have upset this person but I’ve been spending the past two years trying to reconcile with my past and those I care about and if this is some sort of punishment over my former discordances, then I won’t lose–and haven’t lost–any sleep over it because I’ve tried my damnedest to make amends.
ANYWAY. While I was uncovering my high school memories from a dusty box that hasn’t seen the light of day since I graduated high school (until I found it in my closet and decided to bring it up to school with me because I thought it would make for a funny blog post), I stumbled upon this relic:
It’s a plastic human fetus who is sucking his thumb:
If you didn’t get a chance to read the post where the plastic human fetus made his or her debut, (side note: I’m saying his or her because this fetus, apparently isn’t old enough to have developed genitals:
Not like the genitals of this plastic human fetus would determine what pronouns he or she prefers to use for themselves. WHICH IS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE NEEDS TO ADOPT A STANDARD GENDER NEUTRAL PRONOUN.
SO THAT I CAN TALK ABOUT PLASTIC HUMAN FETUSES WITH NO GENITALIA ON MY BLOG. ON THE INTERNET.)
debut, you should because that’s also the post where I talk about how much I hate when people say the two things they enjoy most are “hanging out with their friends” and “having fun”
Anyway here’s the origin of how I came to possess such a magical plastic toy fetus:
I guess a more prominent question in your head right now is why I have a plastic fetus.
I obtained it while I was marching with Sunrisers (I toured with a DCA drum corps for a summer in high school). Every weekend all of the kids in my high school that marched for Sun would meet in the school’s parking lot and wait for this guy “Steve” and his son “Frank” to pick us up in their really old, really creepy, really dirty van. One day after a show as we were all piling into the car for the ride home I saw this plastic fetus just hanging out in the middle seat. So I grabbed it and showed it to my friend Colin who was so amused by it that he insisted that I steal it. So I did.
Since I acquired this thing I’ve always wondered what it came from. I assumed that just as I had stolen it from underneath the tattered polyester back seat of a man’s van, that his son had also pirated the fetus from some sort of sex education model showing how a baby develops in utero:
The only qualm I had with this theory is that this baby is not white.
I’m not saying that this fetus couldn’t be from a uterus/fetus model set but racism is still a pretty major part of our everyday lives in what may not seem like a blatantly obvious way, but every model I’ve found on the internet only uses white models:
It’s kind of gross when you think about it, considering that “caucasians” are, in essence, a minority as far as population, not privilege (obviously) is concerned.
And although I haven’t given much thought to this plastic fetus since high school, in recent days I’ve come to believe I might have found where my toy fetus was conceived.
I’d like to call something to your attention right now.
I was in a car on a weekly basis with a man who at one point in time had a clear plastic orb with a fetus holding military paraphernalia, that possibly hung from his Christmas tree.
Now after finding out where my baby plastic fetus originated from…
I HAD to have one because nothing says Christmas quite like a fetus sucking it’s thumb while holding a semi-automatic weapon and combat gear in a transparent plastic ball.
So I did a little research and found this article on Feministe which led me to the makers of such an elegant Christmas treasure.
Unfortunately when I clicked the link (as I scrambled to fish my wallet out of my back pocket so I could get my credit card number on hand) I was disappointed to find that the online store was closed:
…and probably for good.
So yeah, plastic human fetus mystery has been debunked!
Alright one final thing before I go. Last night I finished The Lives and Loves of Daisy and Violet Hilton: A True Story of Conjoined Twins:
And it was fantastic. And not just because it was about conjoined twins, I feel like I learned a lot about what it was like to be a vaudeville act in the 1920′s-30′s, something I had never had an interest in before reading this book, but it was a pretty remarkable era in American entertainment.
I really want to read this book:
Because Rumspringa is extremely fascinating to me but it’s going to have to wait for a bit. Alison got me this book for Christmas:
And she bought herself a copy and we agreed we’d read it together.
My romantic relationship is also a book club.
You’ll definitely see me once more before 2012 begins!
See you soon!